Seriously...What In The World?!

What in the world is going on, y'all?! This world is a different place than it was a year ago, a month ago, and even just yesterday!  This whole thing can be totally intimidating and downright terrifying to a person.  I look at these five kiddos looking back at me with their big puppy dog eyes asking all innocent-like, "What's the plan for tomorrow?"  and sometimes I just bluntly want to say, "What do you think the plan is? The same old thing it's been for the last 24 days!"  But how depressing is that?!

One of my girls told me the other day that she honestly believes I'm loving this.  I was floored!  How on earth could I be loving being stuck home all day every day?  But then, it hit me...I'm kind of loving this...kind of hating this....if I'm completely honest, it's a love/hate thing I've got going on. 

It hasn't been easy trying to keep everyone entertained, schooled, fed, or even sane for that matter.  These kids seem to think they need to eat meals every day and then graze all of the hours in between.  They want to play electronics 24/7 (and shhh! so do I).  Believe it or not, even homeschooling has taken on a different feel.

One of the most trying things about this time is that there are so many unknowns.  We don't know when this quarantine will be lifted or if it will be reinstated down the road.  We don't know the exacts of how this virus is spreading or even exhibiting itself with different carriers and patients.  We don't know how our economy will be effected or how life will change because of this.  I feel like we've been living in this realm of "IF."  If camp is still going to happen, if the roads between states don't get closed,  if no one in our family gets it...if, if, if.

And so I'm learning in a whole new way, I am still not in control.  I don't know what the future will bring.  I have no clue of what answers to give my kids on more than half of their questions.  However, I'm also learning in a whole new beautiful way, that God is absolutely in control.

He knows what's going on.  He knows what's going to happen through this and after this.  In all of those humongous situations throughout history, He was right there...knowing, loving, and blessing.  We are seriously living in this unbelievable point of history right here, right now!!!  He knows how our lives and the lives of our children will be changed by this experience.  He knows how our hearts will be shaped by the unique fears and hopes that we are dealing with right now.  He can use the terrors and disappointments to show us the things we weren't noticing before...the things that were right in front of our eyes but we were too busy to slow down and enjoy.

It's okay to be scared, as long as we're searching for Him through the fear.  It's okay to mourn, as long as we're reaching out for His hand to comfort.  It's perfectly fine to question why, as long as we keep on believing and trusting that He knows that answer.  It may not be the answer we're hoping and praying for, but He's got us.  We know that!  We know He loves!

So when my kids ask me once again tonight what another tomorrow of quarantine will hold for us, I'm going to say....actually, who knows what I'm going to say (ha, ha!).  What I do know is that I'll hug them tight and remind them that I love them madly and that we are all in this together with the Lord as our shepherd. No matter how the world changes, those two things are constant.

Can You Hear Me Now?

In the last few months, I've been going a lot of different directions.  In all of the chaos and transitions of moving, I may or may not have been a bit of a distracted listener.  I still listened, I still heard, but I multi-tasked.  Life was happening. 

I thought I was doing pretty good until the other day the kids were telling me something and I was absolutely shocked.  They all looked at me with expressions of "Oh, brother!"  Finally one said, "Mom, we told you this.  You even answered and said...."  What in the world?! Am I losing my mind?  I've been claiming pregnancy brain for my forgetfulness for quite a while now, but that ship sailed away going on 5 years ago. Haha!  Maybe I just wasn't attending when they had told me the last time.

I decided right then and there on the spot, that my listening skills simply must change!  When they talk, I will listen.  When they share, I'm diving in fully.  When they ramble, I may usher them along with speed-it-along questions, but I am definitely going to hear with both ears.  It's a bit time consuming, to be quite honest.  While one is pouring out their heart, four others are in line awaiting, chores are piling up, texts and timers are being ignored, and life is going on.  BUT I'm listening!

Have you ever been talking to someone while they are looking at their phone, or saying "uh-huh" mindlessly?  Simply put...t's heartbreaking.  Sure they may be listening and wanting you to talk, but in all seriousness, doesn't it totally feel like there is something much more pressing and urgent than anything you have to share?  Doesn't it make you and what you are sharing seem trivial and insignificant?!  Those kids are so exceptionally important to me; may I never be the cause of them feeling that way! Sure life is busy, but if they want me to hear something then I absolutely want to hear it...exactly when they need me to!

One of the things I love about prayer is that it happens exactly when you need it.  God totally hears and encourages you to tell Him everything on your heart.  He's not saying only do it at meals.  Or hold that thought til right before bed.  He's saying, tell me everything....always.  What a comfort to know that my thoughts, my feelings, my daily happenings, my concerns, my thanksgivings, my fears, my sorrows....my everything is important and urgent to Him.

I want to be that kind of parent.  I want them to know that I want to know everything.  I want them to feel like no matter how mundane or important, I am waiting to hear and anxious for them to share. I hope when something stupendously joyful happens to them, they immediately think,
"Just wait til I tell mom."  And I hope one of the first things they feel when they are in trouble or in a tight spot is not I hope mom doesn't find out, but "I totally need to tell my mom."

Life is too short to let all those other distractions take precedent.  Open my ears, Lord, so I can hear.

Learning to Momma from the Sidelines

Being a mom is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs out there.  It's one of those positions where attention to detail and nuance catered to each individual personality and circumstance is so intricately demanded.  But if you had to boil it down to a one liner, it's basically keeping your kids safe and training them towards heaven.

I've had my fair share of raising littles.  There were years of youthfulness, running the marathon of motherhood...up before dawn, chasing, protecting, wiping tears, saving them from catastrophes, tickling, giggling, and comforting with momma kisses.  My poor first was my guinea pig, as I learned what motherhood was all about.  My poor last is the caboose, as I know she'll survive when raised by our tribe and not have me doting on her every second; this time around I didn't even read the manual on how to bathe a baby properly.

Now, I'm on to the next realm of raising teenagers.  This is new uncharted territory for me.  Once again, I'm learning as I go, reading what I can to advise me and listening to the wisdom of those brave souls who have forged this path before me.  This go round is a little different.  I'm learning I can't fix everything and am having to play a new role...one from the sidelines.

This is the part where I see if what I taught them has stuck.  I get to witness if they'll remember my constant reminders in the back of their heads as they go out on their own and make their own decisions.  I get to see if they apply those morals I trained into them when they are asked on the spur of the moment to make their own decisions.  I get to sit by in awe and see the wonders of their personalities take shape and go mingle in this world...to watch in amazement as they have their own influence on others and make their own marks.

This is also the part where I can't fix everything with a momma kiss and bandaid.  I can't always pick them up, dust them off, and tell them everything will be just fine, because often now, the things they are beginning to face are not always that simple. I can't rush them to the bone specialist to mend their broken hearts.  I can't fix their insomnia with a song and blanket, or kiss their booboo to heal a broken friendship.  I can't force them to be friendly or make them be who I want them to be.

This is the part where I learn to simply be there for them and prod them along.  I get the privilege of seeing them shine, but also the task of teaching them to shine brighter.  I get the honor of watching them grow brave and venture out, but also the challenge of creating parameters for them to do it safely and beautifully.  It's my responsibility to nudge them from the nest and give them more independence, but also to protect them from going too far, too soon.

And so, right along side of them, I'm learning.  I'm learning to be the ear that is always available, whether it be in the middle of the night or smack dab in the middle of making dinner.  I'm striving to be the voice that encourages, uplifts, praises, and guides them towards goodness.  I'm cheering them on to be the stunning people God plans for them to be and to use those astounding talents He has blessed them with.  And I'm also learning that one of the most important places for me to be is right down on my knees, talking to the Lord and Father of us all who knows this territory all too well.

No matter what the age or what the situation my littles and my bigs face, I know He knows.  And I pray that with a hug and a loving heart I can show them that He is the best solution to anything they face.

And y'all.....remind me of this post when I'm having one of my momma freak outs, k?!

Not Yet...Learning to Wait on the Lord

My life has been one of organization, planning, and checking off to-do lists.... until this summer.

The summer of 2019 was a doozy in every imaginable way.  We traveled on trips which took up the time for tasks of summer.  We lost a dear friend which took pieces of our hearts.  We found out we're moving which has taken everything normal and thrown it up in the air.

Although, I long to put this summer far behind me and move on to the next step, for whatever reason God has said, "Not yet."  Our house sale fell through...not moving yet.  Our new house purchase was delayed...not buying yet.   Our grieving hearts were ready to heal...sadly, sigh...ouch! not yet.

And so I kneel, I bow, and I ask WHY?

In an age when everything is instant gratification, why can't we move forward?  We can order a product and have it delivered the next day.  We can be hungry for a meal and have it microwaved and ready in 1minute flat.  We can stick in a k-pod and have a lovely cup of joe in just seconds.  Even in teaching my kiddos, I know that if we put in the work and the time, it's totally gonna happen.  So why delay?  Why not move forward?  Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?

I read all these verses below about waiting on the Lord and being patient.  I see He says He'll renew our strength, He'll give our hearts' courage.  But still IT IS HARD!!!

So then I think of it from a parent's perspective...when I tell my kids to wait, why am I doing that?  Usually, it's because I know the timing isn't right.  I know that it'll be so much more rewarding if the situation were just slightly different.   From something as simple as waiting to watch the movie until you've finished reading the book....you'll enjoy it SO much more!  To something as sensible as waiting to get your license until you are confident and ready and legal...haha!  Maybe even something as clinical as waiting to take that medicine because the timing isn't right and it would do more harm than good.  Or something as emotional as waiting on love, it will be so worth it when it's right and good.

And so I wait, not just because I have to, but because I'm trusting Him with my whole life knowing He knows so much better than I do.  I close my eyes, breathe, and trust that He knows what He's doing.  I step back from the rush and the angst and let God.  He's got this!  I don't need to be in control this time.  I don't need to know exactly what step is coming next if I believe He knows it and is the one in control.  May my heart push aside the unrest and may He fill up the rest.  And may y'all pray for me, cause I'm a little impatient. ;-)


But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  (Isa. 40:31)

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psm. 27:14)

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. (Jms. 5:7-8)

I didn’t know....But God did!

Five years ago the Lord added to our family. Yes, we found out darling number five was on her way, but what we didn’t know at that time was that God had two other family members He was gifting us.  Olin and Angela Hudson joined our congregation, our family, and changed our lives forever.

What I didn’t know when they arrived was that my family and I desperately needed them. I didn’t realize at the time that they would become adopted grandparents to all of my children. I didn’t fathom that they would become confidantes and closest friends.  I had no clue...but God did.  He saw our need.  He saw the encouragement and the strength we desired before we even acknowledged it.  He saw how our hearts needed stretching and picked the perfect ones. God looked down on this little family in Texas and hand picked them, For our Father knew our need before we even asked Him (Matthew 6:8).

I praise God for supplying our need through His riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19) .  I thank God for the gift we found in His precious servants, the Hudsons.

Now today, my heart weeps with the loss of Olin from our physical lives. I do not know what to pray, what to express! May He hear these groanings too deep for words (Rom. 8:26).

What I don’t know now is why.  Doesn’t He know we needed him?  I cannot fathom the impact this loss will have on our hearts forever.  I do not understand how we will be able to continue without being able to confide and be with our precious friend.  I have no clue!!!

But God does!

He knows our need. God sees our broken hearts and knows exactly what we need even before we do.
Dear Lord, give us courage to trust you.  Give us faith to be confident you will supply.
Father, thank you for a hero who fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.  Thank you for letting us know and love Olin, a man who walked with you. Praise be to God for sharing him with us.  Praise God we will meet again and never, ever have to say goodbye.

Living in Fear

This year has been full of so many terrifying things....hurricanes wiping entire cities off of their feet... tragic pointless shootings taking lives in the blink of an eye at schools, movie theaters, malls, concerts, and even churches.  Is nothing safe? Is any location or activity out of harm's way?  What are we to do to protect ourselves???

My first reaction today at the news of Las Vegas, my hometown, was No Concerts EVER!!! But now I sit back, breathe, and pray.  I'm reminded of the encouraging words of Paul, "For God did not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  This spirit of fearfulness and doubt is not what we are called to do.  Jesus himself warned us that we should "not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul."  I'm not supposed to instill in my children (or myself for that matter) a fear of all the things that can go wrong.  I shouldn't hide away fearing what could and might happen.  Yes, I can exercise caution, but not fearfulness.  Not fearfulness when there is power, love and sound mind.

As we drove through town this evening, my son asked me what event caused the flags to be at half mast.  I explained about the heartbreaking sadness of evil taking the lives of the innocent and how the whole nation is mourning for them.  In my reflections on the pointless loss and pain,  the rest of Jesus' warning came to mind, "Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell."  The true evil one is out there, disguised in many ways, searching whom he can devour.  And yet, when he attacks, when his victims fall, often we don't mourn for them.  We don't put up an outward show of flags at half mast for another soul who has fallen prey or weep because a life is no longer thriving.  How would we react if every time we fell to his evils, everyone heard...everyone mourned?  How would we feel if each time we slipped, everyone prayed for our lost life, prayed for another chance for us...for more time?  Wouldn't we live more cautiously?  Wouldn't we be looking out, living, but being more on guard, full of caution?

I mourn for all of these losses of life in both the body and the spirit.  My heart and my prayers ache for them and their families.  May God continue to give us strength in this world and the one to come.  And may we each put on the full armor of God as we face the true fear that is out there.

20 Things I Learned From My Grandmas

 Oh, how I miss my grandmothers!  They left my life way too soon.  I feel like if they were here now, I would treasure them more than I ever did before in all my years put together.  Even though they are gone from this world, those beautiful women left their mark on me.  In the short years they were here being an active vital part of my life, they taught me things that will be with me forever.

I could probably write books on their fascinating honorable lives, but here is a sampling of their lessons I carry with me daily.

1. The journey of the treasure hunt is even more memorable than the found treasure.

2. Baking soda and hydrogen peroxide are great for your smile.

3. It's not about eating the taffy, it's about the fun in pulling the taffy together as a family.

4. Shoes can make you feel pretty and they help to dress up any outfit.

5.  Playing on the floor is how you build the foundation of communication for many years to come.

6.  Handwritten letters send a piece of yourself to your loved ones that they will read, stare at, smell, and hold close to their hearts.

7.  Teasing your hair actually has a purpose - finally volume!

8. Always find the humor, even if you've heard the story one zillion times.

9.  Pulling out the good china isn't just for holidays.

10.  Have essential ingredients always on hand for a quick and easy meal.  This way you will be able
to open your home to others whenever needed.

11.  Hugging makes everyone feel better.  Look for those who need one.

12.  Forgiveness and silence at the right moments bring survival and peace.

13. Have a nightly set apart time for your favorite show or delicious book so that all day you can look forward to it.

14.  Putting God first sets an example for generations, even if you think no one is noticing.

15.  Knowing someone's favorite food/drink and having it available when they come to visit shows them your love, forethought, and how special they are to your heart.

16.  Outward beauty takes work, upkeep, and practice.  Inward beauty takes even more work, upkeep, and practice.

17.  There's no such thing as a stranger; speak to everyone with love, knowing they are actual people with souls and lives of their own.  We are all children of God.

18. Demonstrate true love and concern for others by listening when spoken to.  Then remember it, and follow up; show them that what they confided in you matters.

19. Share your stories and history as much as you can, for it will be missed and longed for when you cannot.

20.  Never stop voicing your love.  Hearing you are loved never gets old.

ADDENDUM: In looking for these pictures of my grandmothers, I realized they were SO young! And my mother was even YOUNGER than I am now.  Wow!  It made me realize my legacy has already begun.  May the eyes who are watching my daily moves see even a fraction of the good that I saw in my godly mother and grandmothers.