Me? Chill?!?!

After sending these photos of my day to a certain sibling of mine, a text showed up on my phone asking how I can be “so chill” as a parent.  I seriously thought the message had been sent to the wrong person.  I had to take a few minutes to let that observation of me and my parenting sink in.  Chill???  Who? Me?!?!  

I’m the mom who is constantly saying, “Be careful!” “Watch out!” “I don’t think that’s a good idea!”  I am the mom whom my kids claim is the most strict in the entire state of Florida.  Aren’t I the one who still checks every single night to make sure each and every one of them is still breathing?!  

But then I saw myself and how much I’ve actually eased.  I’m now the mom who lets her kids walk through the neighborhood alone, allows them to bike distances exploring their new town,  and encourages them to cook yummy dinners and delicious desserts all on their own.  Man, sometimes I even ask my girl to DRIVE! I’ve become the mom I used to look at wide-eyed and jaw-dropped thinking there's no way I'll ever be able to let mine grow up like that.

Suddenly it hit me...I haven't really changed; I’m doing the very same thing I have always done.  As parents, we teach our kids through baby steps. We may teach them to eat, to crawl, to walk, to ride a bike...all the while watching them like a hawk, showing them the parameters for them to do it safely, and then letting them go...watching them learn, master, and glow all on their own, with us gushing about their accomplishments and gently nudging them a little further each time.  It's just that now my kids are mastering different skills...how to be responsible, independent, cautious, beautiful young adults.  I’m still doing the overly cautious parenting thing, shouting my warnings as they walk out the door, checking to make sure they arrived safely, but I’m doing it on a whole new crazy level.  And every step of the way, I'm singing their praises, telling them what a great job they're doing, but also trying to easily lean them into trying again in a slightly more thought out way.

And so, to my sibling who totally boosted my ego, and to all the mamas and papas feeling overwhelmed, and to myself when tomorrow I'm back to pulling my hair out and trying to catch my breath, remember to take it one moment at a time, baby steps.  When you lie in bed each night, utterly exhausted from chasing around your lovelies (whether they be toddlers or teens), reflect on all of the things you did right and those things you should try to do better tomorrow, marvel that somehow those kiddos who've been entrusted to you lived through another day, and thank God for blessing you with your heart full of your handful.

Seriously...What In The World?!

What in the world is going on, y'all?! This world is a different place than it was a year ago, a month ago, and even just yesterday!  This whole thing can be totally intimidating and downright terrifying to a person.  I look at these five kiddos looking back at me with their big puppy dog eyes asking all innocent-like, "What's the plan for tomorrow?"  and sometimes I just bluntly want to say, "What do you think the plan is? The same old thing it's been for the last 24 days!"  But how depressing is that?!

One of my girls told me the other day that she honestly believes I'm loving this.  I was floored!  How on earth could I be loving being stuck home all day every day?  But then, it hit me...I'm kind of loving this...kind of hating this....if I'm completely honest, it's a love/hate thing I've got going on. 

It hasn't been easy trying to keep everyone entertained, schooled, fed, or even sane for that matter.  These kids seem to think they need to eat meals every day and then graze all of the hours in between.  They want to play electronics 24/7 (and shhh! so do I).  Believe it or not, even homeschooling has taken on a different feel.

One of the most trying things about this time is that there are so many unknowns.  We don't know when this quarantine will be lifted or if it will be reinstated down the road.  We don't know the exacts of how this virus is spreading or even exhibiting itself with different carriers and patients.  We don't know how our economy will be effected or how life will change because of this.  I feel like we've been living in this realm of "IF."  If camp is still going to happen, if the roads between states don't get closed,  if no one in our family gets it...if, if, if.

And so I'm learning in a whole new way, I am still not in control.  I don't know what the future will bring.  I have no clue of what answers to give my kids on more than half of their questions.  However, I'm also learning in a whole new beautiful way, that God is absolutely in control.

He knows what's going on.  He knows what's going to happen through this and after this.  In all of those humongous situations throughout history, He was right there...knowing, loving, and blessing.  We are seriously living in this unbelievable point of history right here, right now!!!  He knows how our lives and the lives of our children will be changed by this experience.  He knows how our hearts will be shaped by the unique fears and hopes that we are dealing with right now.  He can use the terrors and disappointments to show us the things we weren't noticing before...the things that were right in front of our eyes but we were too busy to slow down and enjoy.

It's okay to be scared, as long as we're searching for Him through the fear.  It's okay to mourn, as long as we're reaching out for His hand to comfort.  It's perfectly fine to question why, as long as we keep on believing and trusting that He knows that answer.  It may not be the answer we're hoping and praying for, but He's got us.  We know that!  We know He loves!

So when my kids ask me once again tonight what another tomorrow of quarantine will hold for us, I'm going to say....actually, who knows what I'm going to say (ha, ha!).  What I do know is that I'll hug them tight and remind them that I love them madly and that we are all in this together with the Lord as our shepherd. No matter how the world changes, those two things are constant.