Can You Hear Me Now?

In the last few months, I've been going a lot of different directions.  In all of the chaos and transitions of moving, I may or may not have been a bit of a distracted listener.  I still listened, I still heard, but I multi-tasked.  Life was happening. 

I thought I was doing pretty good until the other day the kids were telling me something and I was absolutely shocked.  They all looked at me with expressions of "Oh, brother!"  Finally one said, "Mom, we told you this.  You even answered and said...."  What in the world?! Am I losing my mind?  I've been claiming pregnancy brain for my forgetfulness for quite a while now, but that ship sailed away going on 5 years ago. Haha!  Maybe I just wasn't attending when they had told me the last time.

I decided right then and there on the spot, that my listening skills simply must change!  When they talk, I will listen.  When they share, I'm diving in fully.  When they ramble, I may usher them along with speed-it-along questions, but I am definitely going to hear with both ears.  It's a bit time consuming, to be quite honest.  While one is pouring out their heart, four others are in line awaiting, chores are piling up, texts and timers are being ignored, and life is going on.  BUT I'm listening!

Have you ever been talking to someone while they are looking at their phone, or saying "uh-huh" mindlessly?  Simply put...t's heartbreaking.  Sure they may be listening and wanting you to talk, but in all seriousness, doesn't it totally feel like there is something much more pressing and urgent than anything you have to share?  Doesn't it make you and what you are sharing seem trivial and insignificant?!  Those kids are so exceptionally important to me; may I never be the cause of them feeling that way! Sure life is busy, but if they want me to hear something then I absolutely want to hear it...exactly when they need me to!

One of the things I love about prayer is that it happens exactly when you need it.  God totally hears and encourages you to tell Him everything on your heart.  He's not saying only do it at meals.  Or hold that thought til right before bed.  He's saying, tell me everything....always.  What a comfort to know that my thoughts, my feelings, my daily happenings, my concerns, my thanksgivings, my fears, my sorrows....my everything is important and urgent to Him.

I want to be that kind of parent.  I want them to know that I want to know everything.  I want them to feel like no matter how mundane or important, I am waiting to hear and anxious for them to share. I hope when something stupendously joyful happens to them, they immediately think,
"Just wait til I tell mom."  And I hope one of the first things they feel when they are in trouble or in a tight spot is not I hope mom doesn't find out, but "I totally need to tell my mom."

Life is too short to let all those other distractions take precedent.  Open my ears, Lord, so I can hear.

Learning to Momma from the Sidelines

Being a mom is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs out there.  It's one of those positions where attention to detail and nuance catered to each individual personality and circumstance is so intricately demanded.  But if you had to boil it down to a one liner, it's basically keeping your kids safe and training them towards heaven.

I've had my fair share of raising littles.  There were years of youthfulness, running the marathon of motherhood...up before dawn, chasing, protecting, wiping tears, saving them from catastrophes, tickling, giggling, and comforting with momma kisses.  My poor first was my guinea pig, as I learned what motherhood was all about.  My poor last is the caboose, as I know she'll survive when raised by our tribe and not have me doting on her every second; this time around I didn't even read the manual on how to bathe a baby properly.

Now, I'm on to the next realm of raising teenagers.  This is new uncharted territory for me.  Once again, I'm learning as I go, reading what I can to advise me and listening to the wisdom of those brave souls who have forged this path before me.  This go round is a little different.  I'm learning I can't fix everything and am having to play a new role...one from the sidelines.

This is the part where I see if what I taught them has stuck.  I get to witness if they'll remember my constant reminders in the back of their heads as they go out on their own and make their own decisions.  I get to see if they apply those morals I trained into them when they are asked on the spur of the moment to make their own decisions.  I get to sit by in awe and see the wonders of their personalities take shape and go mingle in this world...to watch in amazement as they have their own influence on others and make their own marks.

This is also the part where I can't fix everything with a momma kiss and bandaid.  I can't always pick them up, dust them off, and tell them everything will be just fine, because often now, the things they are beginning to face are not always that simple. I can't rush them to the bone specialist to mend their broken hearts.  I can't fix their insomnia with a song and blanket, or kiss their booboo to heal a broken friendship.  I can't force them to be friendly or make them be who I want them to be.

This is the part where I learn to simply be there for them and prod them along.  I get the privilege of seeing them shine, but also the task of teaching them to shine brighter.  I get the honor of watching them grow brave and venture out, but also the challenge of creating parameters for them to do it safely and beautifully.  It's my responsibility to nudge them from the nest and give them more independence, but also to protect them from going too far, too soon.

And so, right along side of them, I'm learning.  I'm learning to be the ear that is always available, whether it be in the middle of the night or smack dab in the middle of making dinner.  I'm striving to be the voice that encourages, uplifts, praises, and guides them towards goodness.  I'm cheering them on to be the stunning people God plans for them to be and to use those astounding talents He has blessed them with.  And I'm also learning that one of the most important places for me to be is right down on my knees, talking to the Lord and Father of us all who knows this territory all too well.

No matter what the age or what the situation my littles and my bigs face, I know He knows.  And I pray that with a hug and a loving heart I can show them that He is the best solution to anything they face.

And y'all.....remind me of this post when I'm having one of my momma freak outs, k?!

Not Yet...Learning to Wait on the Lord

My life has been one of organization, planning, and checking off to-do lists.... until this summer.

The summer of 2019 was a doozy in every imaginable way.  We traveled on trips which took up the time for tasks of summer.  We lost a dear friend which took pieces of our hearts.  We found out we're moving which has taken everything normal and thrown it up in the air.

Although, I long to put this summer far behind me and move on to the next step, for whatever reason God has said, "Not yet."  Our house sale fell through...not moving yet.  Our new house purchase was delayed...not buying yet.   Our grieving hearts were ready to heal...sadly, sigh...ouch! not yet.

And so I kneel, I bow, and I ask WHY?

In an age when everything is instant gratification, why can't we move forward?  We can order a product and have it delivered the next day.  We can be hungry for a meal and have it microwaved and ready in 1minute flat.  We can stick in a k-pod and have a lovely cup of joe in just seconds.  Even in teaching my kiddos, I know that if we put in the work and the time, it's totally gonna happen.  So why delay?  Why not move forward?  Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?

I read all these verses below about waiting on the Lord and being patient.  I see He says He'll renew our strength, He'll give our hearts' courage.  But still IT IS HARD!!!

So then I think of it from a parent's perspective...when I tell my kids to wait, why am I doing that?  Usually, it's because I know the timing isn't right.  I know that it'll be so much more rewarding if the situation were just slightly different.   From something as simple as waiting to watch the movie until you've finished reading the book....you'll enjoy it SO much more!  To something as sensible as waiting to get your license until you are confident and ready and legal...haha!  Maybe even something as clinical as waiting to take that medicine because the timing isn't right and it would do more harm than good.  Or something as emotional as waiting on love, it will be so worth it when it's right and good.

And so I wait, not just because I have to, but because I'm trusting Him with my whole life knowing He knows so much better than I do.  I close my eyes, breathe, and trust that He knows what He's doing.  I step back from the rush and the angst and let God.  He's got this!  I don't need to be in control this time.  I don't need to know exactly what step is coming next if I believe He knows it and is the one in control.  May my heart push aside the unrest and may He fill up the rest.  And may y'all pray for me, cause I'm a little impatient. ;-)


But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  (Isa. 40:31)

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psm. 27:14)

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. (Jms. 5:7-8)

I didn’t know....But God did!

Five years ago the Lord added to our family. Yes, we found out darling number five was on her way, but what we didn’t know at that time was that God had two other family members He was gifting us.  Olin and Angela Hudson joined our congregation, our family, and changed our lives forever.

What I didn’t know when they arrived was that my family and I desperately needed them. I didn’t realize at the time that they would become adopted grandparents to all of my children. I didn’t fathom that they would become confidantes and closest friends.  I had no clue...but God did.  He saw our need.  He saw the encouragement and the strength we desired before we even acknowledged it.  He saw how our hearts needed stretching and picked the perfect ones. God looked down on this little family in Texas and hand picked them, For our Father knew our need before we even asked Him (Matthew 6:8).

I praise God for supplying our need through His riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19) .  I thank God for the gift we found in His precious servants, the Hudsons.

Now today, my heart weeps with the loss of Olin from our physical lives. I do not know what to pray, what to express! May He hear these groanings too deep for words (Rom. 8:26).

What I don’t know now is why.  Doesn’t He know we needed him?  I cannot fathom the impact this loss will have on our hearts forever.  I do not understand how we will be able to continue without being able to confide and be with our precious friend.  I have no clue!!!

But God does!

He knows our need. God sees our broken hearts and knows exactly what we need even before we do.
Dear Lord, give us courage to trust you.  Give us faith to be confident you will supply.
Father, thank you for a hero who fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.  Thank you for letting us know and love Olin, a man who walked with you. Praise be to God for sharing him with us.  Praise God we will meet again and never, ever have to say goodbye.