Multi-Tasking: Talent or Flaw?

   

Forgive my being bold and blunt, but I confess, I am THE  Multi-Tasking Queen.  As a homeschooling momma of four, I pretty much have to be.   It's not unusual to find me cooking dinner, folding laundry, answering messages, and giving a Spelling Test all at the same time.  It's a talent.  It's a necessity.  It's also a terrible flaw!
     Recently, I had my children take a Love Language Test.  I was a bit surprised when all four of my little darlings' primary love language came back "Quality Time."  I'm with them pretty much all day, every day, all year, every year.  I would think they get more than enough time with me, but how awesome is that that my kids actually want to spend time with me?!  May it be that way forever!!! 
     How mistaken I was in thinking, "Kudos to me for giving them exactly what they want and need!"  After much reflection and listening to their feedback, it came to my attention that it's not so much that they want to spend time with me like we do constantly, but that they want my undivided focused-time.  They don't want to share their important conversations with the dinner-making or the laundry-folding.  They want my single-tasked focused time.  In trying to do it all, I was missing out on giving them this main desired gift of feeling loved.
     I was given a special treat last night.  Little Mister was having trouble sleeping and I offered to lay with him for a bit.  Normally, I would use this downtime laying there in the dark to check my phone texts, emails, Facebook, news updates, read my chapter, etc.  BUT all I could bring myself to do was stare at that precious boy lying there in the dark wanting me to just be nearby.  I felt so much love when I focused without distractions.  I wanted desperately for those feelings of love and assurance to pour out comfort into him.  Then it hit me...when is the last time I set aside everything else and purely focused my multi-tasking time?  Not only was it a perfect gift to him who needed me, but the calm and joy I felt was worth so much more to my soul than checking off items on my to-do list.
     No wonder, throughout His message, our Father begs us to meditate, pray, read, focus daily on Him, leaving everything else aside to follow Him.  He knows that the "Quality Time" He desires from us is not solely for His own benefit, but is so filling and healing to us, as well.
    Of course we are busy people.  Of course the demands on our time are constantly getting checked off an ever-growing list.  But if we only take the time to focus fully on the ones we love and those who love us, we will heal their hearts, give them what they need, and feel the benefit of our own love-tanks refueled.  Sometimes getting it all done just isn't getting the real job done.  Yes, I have a talent and flaw for Multi-Tasking to the extreme, but my true gift is the ability to give what is needed to those I love... and THAT is a talent that blesses us all.

Inevitable

Have you ever tried to avoid the inevitable?  You know that dreaded thing that needs to be done, but you just keep putting it off until later...or perhaps that illness going around that you are trying with all of your might to flee from, but sooner or later it's gonna come knocking on your door...even the decision that has been weighing on your mind for countless moments, that must be decided once and for all.

Growing up, these moments seem to come along more and more often.  I'm trying to look at them as growing experiences.  Hoping that I will find a renewed strength or even wisdom from doing, facing, and deciding.  That brilliant light has not yet come.  I thought once a resolution was found, everything would be clear and crystal.  As a child, it seemed that once the inevitable occurred, peace was restored.  But as an adult, it seems that is not so much the case!

Perhaps the lyrics of Frozen's 'Let It Go!' will play out.
"It's funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all"

But until then, I find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in these perpetual wrestlings.  I'm not the only one who wishes it was just easier.   Even Paul struggled, "...but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?^" 
Right?! When do these things get easier?
His conclusion is that this light and peace is not instantaneous...in fact, it's not even necessarily on this earth.   "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

This is where faith kicks in.  Without it, these times seem pointless.  With Him, these times seem like stepping stones getting us closer to our goal.  Thanks be to God, that He listens and takes our hand throughout!"

Mary, my present day Dorcas

Fifteen years ago, God chose fit to bring an incredible woman into my life.  I was a doe-eyed newlywed new to Atlanta, who became one of the many souls blessed by knowing Mary Broadwell.  In her quiet, precious way, she pushed me beyond what I thought was possible.  She taught me things about friendship, marriage, living a Christian life, being a dedicated mother, and what true service looks like in the life of a woman.  She recognized me where I was, and inspired me to be so much more.
Now, it seems to our tear-filled eyes that God is calling her home.  All I can selfishly think is "Not yet.  I have so much more to learn from her."
Older women "are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."(Titus 2:3-5)  Although I would never consider her "older," she was older than me and she did teach me a ton!  Yes, Mary is sober minded, but she showed me how to do that with a smile, a laugh, and a wonderful attitude.
The amazing thing about Mary, is that she has no idea!  She has no idea of how many souls she has influenced for the kingdom.  She has no idea how her light was shining just by walking in the door.  She has no idea how her wrestling with four little boys on a Sunday morning pew, and keeping a strict and happy home throughout the years has now spread the word of the Lord to countless others throughout the world. 
I treasure the times and conversations I've had with her, and if the Lord sees fit to allow her to stay longer here, I am going to SEIZE the day and sit at her feet to soak up as much more as she's willing to share.

Don't let the days pass by without reaching out to those who have reached out to you.  Our days here are short, but thank the Lord we get to spend eternity together.

But I Can't Forgive Her!

It finally happened, Adela got a taste of her own medicine.  Once upon a time, there was a little girl who could not keep a secret.  Try as she might, at the very first opportunity of a new listening ear, she would blurt out the secret and cause the utmost grief in the betrayed sister (or mother, who really would have preferred to keep her grumpy mood private instead of being prayed for openly in Bible class).
As fate would have it, Adela had a little sister (imagine here a small smirk from offended parties).  Her little sister, unwittingly blurted out a hint at a gift that Adela was creating as a surprise.  Oh the tears of betrayal and the anger of lost confidence that raged through our house on that fateful day!!!  After several hours of crying, sulking, going-to-be-by-herself-ing, and trying to be friends again, Adela came in to confess to me, "Mom, I've tried at least four times, but I can't forgive her.  How do I forgive her when I can't stop being mad?"

Wow! Out of the mouth of babes!!!  Forgiveness is one of those things that will always be an enigma to me.  How can God forgive me, and actually forget and wipe my slate clean?  There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting, right?  But how does that really work?  And are we called to do that very same thing to others?  We are told that our forgiveness of others is tied directly to our being forgiven.  But, Adela is right...forgiving is hard.   Is it something that starts inside of you and works its way out, or something that we display through behavior and then eventually begin to feel in the heart?  I suppose it is one of those things that I am still learning and will continue to learn throughout this life.  What I do know is that it is an incredible burden lifted (both to the forgiven and the forgiver) when forgiveness is offered, whether deserved or asked for.  We've all been at the mercy of others because of our errant actions, so shouldn't we be generous with our grace as well?!  We've all been crushed and broken when hurt by someone and then soothed and healed when we truly forgive and move on.
I reminded Adela of the many occurrences of her doing the very same offense, and how hurt the offended party felt, but what a relief it was and how thankful she was when forgiveness was granted.  It's not always easy, but we are called to do it...not just four times, but seventy times seven.
That little girl who had been the offender and the forgiven, turned into the offended and the forgiver, then lived happily ever, learning over and over again that God's plan of forgiveness heals all wounds.

Thorn in Her Side

The other day there was one of those perfect teachable moments, where the clouds part, the sun shines directly down, and you hear that "Ahhhhh!" chorus in your head making clear that as a parent you'd better seize this opportunity.

Jo came to me tearing up, with thorns stuck to her socks and the legs of her jeans.  She exclaimed, "Why me?  Why does everything bad always happen to me?  All I was doing was trying to sit in this field and watch."  With a tender hand and a loving hug,  we discussed why trials come our way, how bad things happen to both the good and the bad alike.  We talked about rising above our struggles and making the outcome count.  We even delved into counting our blessings, not focusing on the negative, and how we can become aware of other's "thorns" and offer encouragement.  Once I removed the final sticker, she breathed a sigh of relief and contentment, wiped away the tears, and with a smile and a hug, she turned to run and play with her siblings while I gave myself a prideful pat on the back with another mission accomplished.
My eyes nearly bulged out of my head when I witnessed the back of poor Jo Jo Bug's pants.  She was covered in those pesky spiky things!!! I mean literally, 30 stickers getting ready to attack her rear as soon as she decided to slide down that super fun slide.  All of my words of wisdom mockingly looked me in the face and challenged, "Now what?!"
It was then that I realized this was one of those teachable moments, not for her, but for ME!  My Father showed me how hardships in life here can actually get much worse in our eyes before we see the light and relief of it getting better.  He reminded me that this is a race of endurance, one that He'll accompany us on, and be there at the finish to reward our success if only we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and persevere.
This time, she handled the trial like a pro, and I, humbled now, thanked God for His constant lessons of survival and enduring love.

The "Mommy's Shower Law"

You know how Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong?  Well, this Mommy has come to a conclusion that I'm certain moms the world over will confirm.  I like to call it the "Mommy's Shower Law."  It states that if kids will do something crazy, it is going to happen as soon as Mommy steps foot in the shower.
As mothers, we know no matter how short we keep it, whether it be as brief as washing hair and body in the same length of time it takes our spouses to get the water adjusted right, or as luxuriously long as allowing time to actually shave one leg, SOMETHING is going to happen!
I've tried to outsmart the Mommy's Shower Law with all sorts of tricks and techniques....plug the children into a movie (yep, the show is going to stall), let them play electronics (most likely the battery will go dead), sneak it while they sleep (you know a doorbell is gonna ring)....the list goes on and on.
How bad can it get, some naive reader may ponder...to which I laugh, Hahahaha!!!  Let's see...maybe I should tell of the time my little sprite thought it the perfect moment to leap onto the couch, slip off, and break her arm.  Or maybe I should delve into the time scissors were discovered and a sister's hair was given the "layered" look, very short layered look.  Nah, I think I'll share with you the legendary burnt popcorn story.
Once upon a time, all of my minions were calm and in their wide-eyed zombie state entranced by their favorite cartoon.  It should have been safe to grab a quick shower, right?!  However, as the water heated, Little Bit got a sudden craving for popcorn, but since Mommy's Shower was running she knew she could heat it up in the microwave herself.  Little did she know that one extra zero added to the time of 2 minutes would cause smoke to bellow from the kitchen.  Since the emergency rule of the house is "Meet at the mailbox in case of fire," Baby Girl took off sprinting outside, leaving the front door wide open  As I am obliviously in the first step of "lather, rinse, repeat," the door bursts open to blood curdling screams of chaos.  Leaping from the shower and yanking a towel around me to accompany me on the latest adventure, I run out to find the front door wide open, the neighbors agape at what the crazy homeschoolers are up to this morning, and flames lighting up the microwave.  We all survived, the burnt black once recognizable ball of crust was thrown into the sink and the fire put out,  Baby Girl was allowed back inside the house, the cartoon was finished, and I was able to rinse out the first layer of lather.  But to this day, every wiff of popcorn or every swing of the yellow stained microwave door sends me a reminder that Mommy's Shower Law is in fact valid and true.  There is no escaping it.
So, what's the solution? I'm not sure if it will work, but I'm gonna try Baths!  :-)

And yes...that would be soda...on my bed...in her pajamas....sigh!!!

Why?!

After wrestling and struggling with a difficult challenge, my eldest mourned, "I just don't understand why!  Why me?!  Why this?!"  How many times have I looked to the heavens and asked these very words.  It's not a new question, but the answer is one which I constantly need reminding.

As a parent, I can tell you, I allow my children to be tried and face challenges because I know they can handle them, learn from them, and grow into a stronger person.  I know, I know...what trials does a little child have, right?!  True, they may not seem extreme or life changing...those pesky 7 times tables, that challenge of approaching a possible new friend and making conversation, putting the right shoe on the right foot.  I can see the end result coming, a smooth road just around the corner for them, but from their perspective these are HUGE.  They can call to me to help, and sometimes I run to assist because I see they truly need me, and other times I stand back, encouraging them from afar, watching them learn to succeed.

As a child of God, I question, I struggle, and I'll admit it--sometimes I flounder, questioning, "Why?!"  What trials do I face?  To me they seem extreme and life changing.  From my perspective they are HUGE.  But from His???  I call to Him for help, and sometimes He is clearly right there assisting me, and then other times where is He?  Standing back, encouraging me from afar, watching me learn to succeed?  I pray He finds us growing and that thru these "houses of mourning" we can see that these trials are here as a stepping stone to something much, much greater.