What Was That?

It is such a surreal adventure watching your littles suddenly become bigs.  The roller coaster of emotions and drama is a constant unexpected ride of laughter and tears over here.  One minute to the next is a whirlwind of guessing and learning to go with the flow.  As I have a house of teens now, I find myself puzzling over: What just happened?!  What did that even mean?! and What was that?

What was that facial expression?  Disgust, puzzlement, confusion, annoyance?!  I really don't want to misinterpret, but that was most definitely something!

What was that tone of voice?  Humor, sarcasm, disrespect, self-expression?  I know what I think it was, but did my hard of hearing ears hear exactly what I think I heard?

What was that silence? no response?  Maybe I wasn't heard; maybe I was, but there was no answer. Maybe there was a choice not to hear or even a choice not to respond?  And how do I deal with that...risk repeating? let it lie?  walk away?  address it head on?

What was that hug?  A need for closeness, a forced acknowledgement, an appreciation, a beautiful display of affection?  Whatever it was, you can bet I'll take it!

What was that long emotional retelling of events?  Asking for advice, just wanting to be heard, needing help, sharing in love?  No matter...Yes, Please! Bring it! Share always!

I may not know what is what.  I may interpret incorrectly.  I may not even respond in the best way at the time.  But you can betcha I am trying.  I am loving.  I am learning.  I am mothering.  But the main thing I'm doing is praying.  I'm just me...finite, fully devoted heart but never going to be all knowing.

So I beg the Good Lord for guidance.  He's the perfect parent who has the full heart and all the know hows.  He knows exactly what in the world that was.  He knows exactly what happened and why it happened.  He knows what is needed and what is best.  I'm so needy for His love, understanding, forgiveness, and guidance.  What a gift to have Him looking out for and loving me.

By His grace, I was given these five precious souls to raise.  I was chosen to be their momma.  I pray they'll have grace and patience with me.  I hope that someday they'll look back on all of the craziness
and thank God that they have me looking out for them and loving them to pieces.